I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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