I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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