my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize