dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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