He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
