you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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