I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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