I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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