I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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