Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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