ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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