she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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