Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize