If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You ate ashes out of my bong
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