IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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