mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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