Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize