I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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