Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize