maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize