He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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