We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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