so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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