yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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