You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize