Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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