peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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