i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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