You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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