can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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