we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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