he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
