That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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