so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize