The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize