he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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