i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I look better un-naked...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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