And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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