he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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