she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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