I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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