had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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