dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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