What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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