to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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