Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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