His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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