the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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