Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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