i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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