youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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